Bad Day!

I hate my brother but I'm trying not to blame everyone!!!!

I've tried to keep silent when my mom asked me about her letter whether it has been signed or not. I didn't answer because i know that it has not finished yet. ( I asked to my bro yesterday, and he hurt me with his word!!!!) I wished that my brother, who brought the letter, has finished it when he is at home this morning. I tried to be deaf one and ignore all my mom angers. I let her to said whatever about me, although it hurt me! I didn't answer it because I know that my words might hurt her. I just didn't want to see her disappointment.

But, everything was getting worst when my brother came home. My mom asked him and he, again, answered (it isn't finished yet!) with high intonation!! And it triggered my mom's anger. She shouted and cried and ran to her bedroom! I just hate my bro at that time. Why he didn't say that he'll finished it this afternoon because they've made the appointment for this afternoon! Why???!!!! and answered with normal intonation!

I hate that situation! I hate looking my mom's tears dripped on her eyes... I hate looking her sadness... I hate it!!!! Allah...help me not to blame anyone else.... :'( This situation made my mom, as well as me, regret dad's death. Why he left us when we still need him here???? My bro can't be as wise as him... And then my mom will blame us, her children, as bad children who never understand her!! Allah, please forgive me for regretting Your decision....

Mom, you are the only parent that I have at the moment. I love you so much although I've never said it to you... Your tears is my pain, your sadness is my sadness. I just want to make you understand that I love you, more than everything....

Don't cry anymore. I know your sacrifices for me... For reaching all my dreams... Thanks Mom... I know that everything I've done is not enough to pay all your sacrifices and loves but I believe that Allah will give you more and prepare a good place in heaven. Don't be sad... I believe that "my heaven is in your foot" and Allah bless is your bless... I love you and I'm sorry for hurting you so many times.