aku ingin...

Ketika sesak ini menghimpit,
aku hanya ingin bersama angin,
merasakan sentuhannya,
mendengar senandungnya.

Ketika hati ini gundah,
aku hanya ingin berdiri di antara ilalang,
menjamah belaiannya,
menyanyikan desau nafasnya.

Dan ketika aku terendap dalam kedamaian,
aku hanya ingin merebah di antara rerumputan,
dengan wangi embun yang meninabobokan,
dan dinginnya tanah yang menjanjikan keabadian.

Bad Day!

I hate my brother but I'm trying not to blame everyone!!!!

I've tried to keep silent when my mom asked me about her letter whether it has been signed or not. I didn't answer because i know that it has not finished yet. ( I asked to my bro yesterday, and he hurt me with his word!!!!) I wished that my brother, who brought the letter, has finished it when he is at home this morning. I tried to be deaf one and ignore all my mom angers. I let her to said whatever about me, although it hurt me! I didn't answer it because I know that my words might hurt her. I just didn't want to see her disappointment.

But, everything was getting worst when my brother came home. My mom asked him and he, again, answered (it isn't finished yet!) with high intonation!! And it triggered my mom's anger. She shouted and cried and ran to her bedroom! I just hate my bro at that time. Why he didn't say that he'll finished it this afternoon because they've made the appointment for this afternoon! Why???!!!! and answered with normal intonation!

I hate that situation! I hate looking my mom's tears dripped on her eyes... I hate looking her sadness... I hate it!!!! Allah...help me not to blame anyone else.... :'( This situation made my mom, as well as me, regret dad's death. Why he left us when we still need him here???? My bro can't be as wise as him... And then my mom will blame us, her children, as bad children who never understand her!! Allah, please forgive me for regretting Your decision....

Mom, you are the only parent that I have at the moment. I love you so much although I've never said it to you... Your tears is my pain, your sadness is my sadness. I just want to make you understand that I love you, more than everything....

Don't cry anymore. I know your sacrifices for me... For reaching all my dreams... Thanks Mom... I know that everything I've done is not enough to pay all your sacrifices and loves but I believe that Allah will give you more and prepare a good place in heaven. Don't be sad... I believe that "my heaven is in your foot" and Allah bless is your bless... I love you and I'm sorry for hurting you so many times.

Masa Depan....?????

Thinking about my tomorrow....then everything becomes dark. I can't see anything just black!
What is, exactly, I want? I don't know. It might be too many wishes or nothing! :p

Not more than in 6 months, I'll graduate from my bachelor study. Then what I want to do next is continue my master directly. But, if I have to pay it independently I have to find a job first. The question is....What's kind of job that I really want???? Teaching? Sometimes, I stuck in the materials. Then, what??????? Any suggestion?
Back to the my master! I have a dream to get a scholarship. Study abroad scholarship, better! ;) hehehehe.... Wherever the country, just going abroad! But....how? -again- my university doesn't have any scholarship program!!!!! There's only local scholarship for paying the school fee and I got it this semester. Not for paying my school fee, but I used it to buy this laptop! hehehehehe... ;p Maybe, I have to googling to find some information about this. If you have some, just tell me... Okay? Thanks.

Back to my future. If I can't find a scholarship, then just find a job. Apapun, yang penting bisa ada pemasukkan. Tapi, at least, aku masih bisa mengajar di tempatnya Bu Titik....hahahaha.
Lalu, beasiswanya...ditunggu aja kali ya... ;p

Next, find a good man or maybe...wait for a good man to marry. Hahahaha....
Actually, I want the rich one... Thus, I can invite everyone that I want, include you Amelie...hehehe (I'll buy the two ways plane ticket if my husband to-be is billionaire!) and I can go to overseas for honeymoon. And I don't need to work, I just stay at home with my children (I want to have two children, at least. If God gives me more, it will be okay!) and teach them to be a good children for us.... :) If there is billionaire who wants to marry me, I'll marry with the "right" one. He may be not a perfect person but he is the chosen one, by God (Allah) of course... Amien...

All I said are just my dream... I don't know whether it will be true or just dreams forever.... Just let time prove it...

This Week!

This week is terrible for me. I'm lazy to go to campus and I don't know why! I am bored and I need to refresh, I NEED HOLIDAY!!!!!!!! AAARRRRGGGGHHHHHHHHHH

Okay, then let me tell you my whole activities along this week. I started this week by saying goodbye to my dear friend - Amelie - and wishing that we'll meet again someday. I did it on my way to campus on Monday morning. Then, followed the class like usual and came home!!! It's boring activity!

On Tuesday, I decided to go to Tunjungan Plaza (TP) and watch movie there! I watched this movie alone and sat in Seat F11 and there was no other people both in my right and left side! Was that great, uh...???? Just thought that it is my own movie theater! Hahahhaa ;D

On the next day, I accompanied my friend to Hi-Tech mall. Actually, she, my friend, wanted to buy storage device but, wow, it is still expensive! Her money was not enough to buy it. It is twice more expensive than when I saw it last December. Because there was Christmas and New Year Sale... Hehehehe, sorry friend I've gave the wrong information. So, we want home with nothing in our hand.

Then, TP again...hehehehe! Go to TP twice a week, act like a rich person! whereas there just a few money in my pocket! :P It's okay, nobody knew it! Well, actually I just accompanied fitri to buy shoes. Then, we ate in Mc.D. Fitri is "ngidam" (willingness of a pregnant woman who wants something unusual to eat, to have, or to eat, sometimes). At that moment, she wanted to eat Beef Burger Prosperity! Hassshhh...strange but unique!

Huft...it was little bit enough to made me forgetting my Chapter III of my thesis! Hahahhaa.... Tragic, I have to finish chapter III if I want to get A in my Thesis Writing but I'm too lazy to do it!!! But I want A! Can I get A without finishing my Chapter III???? Maybe I have to persuade my lecturer... x_x

I would say: "Mom, chapter III saya belum selesai loh, Mom... It's Okay ya Mom.... Kan saya sudah menyelesaikan 2 chapter sebelumnya lebih cepat dari teman-teman yang lain... Okay, Mom????"
And my lecturer would say, "Yes, it's okay! No problem."
Huahahhhaaaahhhaa.... XD (It's only in your dream, Hans!!!!!! :'( )

Another problem that I don't want to think is my next translation presentation! Hash!!! What the hell it is! I'm not interested in this activity (finding other person article, read it, and present it!) is that all???? (to my lecturer, if you read it: Sorry, Sir. That's what I feel!) The subject is Indonesian-English translation, but what we've done just finding an article about the translation then presented it in front of the class! That's all! Then, where is the "translation" process???? Nothing!!! So, I feel that I get nothing along this semester in this class!

Sorry God for saying bad about my class, or maybe about my lecturer!!!!

best friend

what is the exactly definition of best friend??? how to measure it?? is there anyone who can answer this question?
Aku masih bingung tentang apa itu teman baik, teman dekat, sahabat karib, atau apa sajalah istilahnya... Yang aku tahu hanyalah aku suka berteman!

Aku punya teman yang aku kenal dari TK dan sampe sekarang masih sering jalan bareng. Apa itu termasuk best friend? Teman-teman yang aku kenal and akrabi di SD pun masih ketemu meski cuma kadang-kadang, karena semua sudah punya aktivitas sendiri-sendiri. Teman apakah itu?

Lalu, aku di SMK juga punya teman satu kelas yang dari pertama masuk hingga lulus selalu bersama-sama. Bersama-sama selama 3 tahun, 6 hari dalam seminggu, mulai dari pukul 07.00-14.30! They were such a crazy family for me! So, are they my best friend or just classmates?? Atau teman yang tidak satu kelas tapi kita sering bersama....

Now, in university, I also have 'best friend' (or maybe 'close friend') to whom I spend my time together. We laugh and tears together. I love them much!

Selain itu, ada juga teman-teman lain. I have Amelie Quack, my bule Jerman and gila (originnaly cited as she wrote in my book!) :-) We've known each other not more than 2 weeks but she is such wonderful friend of mine. She is AWESOME! I just think that I've known her for a long time before this year. Hyaaaa..... I MISS You, Dear...
So, I don't care whatever the definition of best friend. Everyone may have definition.
For me, my friends, all, are important for me... and they have their own part in my heart!

try the new "old actually" one!

Huft,,,
I just want to try to have a diary that i could bring to everywhere. So, i could write what i want here...

As i cited from Amelie, everything here is free!!!!!

1. I have a freedom to write anything.
2. You have a freedom whether you want read it or not.
3. You may give comments freely.

Yupz...here I am in the new thing.

Thanks